Artist Conversations: Professionals on defining yourself as an artist in the working world

With Zeinat Gelli, Carol Schlenker, & Suzie Taylor

For many young artists, the choice between pursuing their creative passions and professional pragmatism is a heavy one. A conventional career might be a more practical option, but when it’s between that and something you feel defines you, it can feel like abandoning who you are. To get some perspective on the subject I spoke with Zeinat Gelli, Suzie Taylor, and Carol Schlenker about their choices regarding their art and careers and how they define themselves as artists years later. 

Most young people rely heavily on their parents and their support, or absence of it, can sometimes be the difference between pursuing a career in art or not. For Carol, that lack of support was paramount in her early life choices.

Carol: “My earliest identity was as an artist. I loved art as a child, I mean, I don't think there's an artist who didn't love art as a child, because you're free to do it then and you're supported. But then when you get to be college age, your parents worry and they start to steer you towards something more practical. And for me, that was disastrous. In retrospect, I know [my dad] was just being very protective, but he steered me into business as a major at my first college. If I could pick something that's completely opposite of my skills and interests that would be pretty darn close.”

Suzie went on to work in data analytics, but art found a way.

Suzie: Sometimes you can't do what you want to do due to economic reasons. So I ended up doing computers, because that brings in the income that brings me money and a way for me to wait for me to live and pay bills. But I've always been interested in art.

She went on to talk about how while she was in college, she fell in love with dance after she had to take it for a PE credit. From then on she began taking ballet and modern dance classes and eventually got her BFA in Dance Performance. For Zeinat, she initially toyed with the idea of studying biology but found herself most fascinated with the artistic aspects of dissection. This creative hunger followed them well into adulthood.

Carol: Throughout my life that was an itch I knew I needed to scratch. I never lost interest in art and I knew I didn't, because when I saw other people doing it, I felt so jealous, and when I feel jealous of something that's an indication to me, that's what you should be doing.

I asked if any of them feel their art interflow with their work. Carol, who works full time as an immigration paralegal, says her work with immigrants can be very emotional, and that manifests in her art constantly. Zeinat and Suzie agreed that their art is more detail oriented because of their backgrounds in analysis. One thing they could all agree on is that balancing a work life and creative life is not easy. “By the end of the day you're not just physically tired, but mentally tired. You don't realize how art needs your brain as much as your hand,” says Suzie, who retired last year. Carol, who still works full time, is still trying to find that balance. 

Carol: [My art] is something that always gets short changed and I don't know that I can avoid that. I try really hard not to beat myself up about it, because, you know, I'm doing my best, but it's not ideal. And I really do look forward to being where Zeinat and Susie are, and being able to devote more time to art. 

Between waking up early and getting their blood flowing with exercise, they all find ways to push through it. But even when their artistic side had to take the backseat to their work, they see art everywhere they go; in the shadows, in nature, even in passersby on the street. My first thought was that it’s as if it were their brains' way of expelling their artistic energy in a way that working full time prevented them from.

Zeinat: Another thing I picked up is that when you have that creative side of you, it's actually very hard to stop. Even if you don’t put a lot of money into it, you know you're not able to stop doing it. So, even if you are a paralegal, you'll still doodle on the side, you know. You'll find a way to fit it in some way. Somehow it will come out.

Somehow it will come out. I thought about that in terms of my own life. How even when I wasn’t dancing, I couldn’t stop my mind from creating choreography every time I listened to music. How my aunt, who gave up the piano as a teenager to pursue her career, kept one in her home office as an adult until she found her way back to the bench, and how my sister still sings whenever she washes dishes.

After quitting working full time, Zeinat says that the quality and quantity of her work has improved. Being able to dedicate more time to art elevated it from a hobby and made her more confident in her work. When I asked what their favorite part of the art making process is, they all seemed to agree. 

Carol: For me, it's when you get in the zone where you've just lost yourself in what you're doing and it's like the rest of the world disappears, and time doesn't matter. That is just bliss to me. Getting to that point.

Suzie: Yeah, me too, and I'm starting to feel more and more of that, now that I'm not working full time. Now that I'm working full time on art.

Zeinat: Yeah. For me, I think art begins in your head, right? It's like an abstract concept or vision. Every time I have a canvas I'm actually a little bit afraid, because I don't know what's gonna turn out. Yeah, it's terrifying. Exciting at the same time.

But when reflecting on their choices, all three ladies seemed to say that not having that structured training all those years ago contributed to a struggle to see themselves as artists. After having seen some of their work and hearing them talk so passionately about it, I was surprised to hear that they didn’t consider themselves artists. Suzie explained that even though she loved to paint, she felt she lacked the vocabulary and technical skills to equate herself with people who did have that training. She and Carol say their art program, the one they all met in, provides that technical foundation and is helping them start to feel like they can call themselves artists. Zeinat agreed that for a long time she felt the same way, but she recently found a different approach.

Zeinat: I actually feel like an artist. I thought about it today. It's not so much because of what I produce as my behavior. The first thing I do when I come down is check what I painted the day before, because I'm constantly thinking about it, and even if I don't know how to do something, I'm thinking about how to do it. The fact that I am obsessed with it. I'm just thinking about it all the time. I think that also means that you're an artist. It's not necessarily what you produce, or whether you're happy with it. It's your way of thinking now, and the focus of your mind. 

She talked about how women in her generation struggle with imposter syndrome that can be hard to overcome. She had to realize that there are many ways to define an artist, and she could still be one even if she wasn’t always able to make it a full-time priority or produce art exactly how she wanted.

Zeinat: I never see art that I think is necessarily inferior. If I see somebody doing a different style,  I don't think, ‘oh, that's not art’. So I don't see why I should judge myself harshly if I'm not judging other people harshly. 

I left our conversation feeling encouraged. It may not always be the most economically sound choice to make your art your career, but defining your identity as an artist is a process, and one you can only do for yourself. These ladies never lost their creative side, and it found its way to come out until the time and circumstance was right for them to explore it thoroughly. 

Zeinat’s advice to young artists is to use the resources at their disposal and train. “Find whatever way. YouTube, whatever. Get a book.” She says, while Suzie urges patience: “You don't get there right away. It takes a step at a time. if you get it right away, it's gonna be very boring.”

Visit Zeinat's website, instagram, & bluesky and see some of her art in the bonfem gallery.

Visit Carol's website

Visit Suzie's instagram & website